We lost the skyline. We stepped right off the map. Drifted into blank space and let the clocks relapse. We laughed the rain down, slow burn on the lawn. Ghosts across the delta swallowed up the storm. Sometimes I feel like a fist. Sometimes I am the color of air. Sometimes it's only afterwards I find that I'm not there. In the dream, dusk. We walked beside the lake. We watched the sky move sideways and heard the evening break. |
Author's Comments
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Comments
 Im not really good with like commenting on ppl's shit. All I can say for this, is that it's interesting and well- written. Good job!
-- It looked cool, so I Kept it? Anyone got a ****ing problem with that?!  np, buddy ^ ^
-- It looked cool, so I Kept it? Anyone got a ****ing problem with that?! |
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Critiques
The repeating "Sometimes" lines work well too because it only repeats in that one stanza and it closes that thought as well as names the title of the poem.
The imagery in this piece is quite good as well. My favorite part of the poem are the lines in the second stanza because the words used are really captivating to read.
Overall this is a good piece of poetry, and one I enjoyed reading. Nice job!
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